24.05.2011

I haven't felt this alone in a long time. Even when I'm talking to people, it feels like they would rather be doing something else, or are doing something else. It's weird, because Saturday when I hung out with Chris, things were fine. But today, things just felt different. I guess my depression is just coming back. I've been holed up in this extremely hot ass room for like the last six hours, sweating and watching Mad Men. Trying to come up with a solution to the Ryan situation, and I can't really discuss it with my friends because they feel that I should just be done with him. Maybe the solution I"m thinking of is born out of the loneliness I've been feeling. I haven't been by myself this much in almost 3 years, and hell if I know how to be alone anymore. I don't mind being single, I just want the loneliness to go away.

The one person who would probably cheer me up right now let his phone get cut off again, so I have like no way to get in contact with him since I can't remember his email. I feel weird going through his brother to get messages to him, plus he's with his family in Florida. It was weird after being pretty much gone from my life since March, he randomly popped back up last week saying he wanted to hang out with me and that I should talk to him more. He of course gave some lame ass excuse as to why he doesn't always respond to texts, but it still felt nice having him back considering I had missed him.

Time to read some more Bamon.