I'm starting to go stir crazy. School ended Thursday, and I couldn't wait, but now I'm just biding my time, hoping to get a call back from a place. Someone on facebook suggested that I should go back to Olive Garden, and I've actually thought about it, or at least thought I should have handled things differently. I don't miss going 7 days a week with no reprieve, but I miss having money and not feeling like a leech. Which is why I can't wait for my loan to come in in January, but the waiting is killing me. I need to find a job ASAP.
On top of that, for some reason my "obsession" with white guys is coming back stronger than ever, which means I'm distancing myself more and more from my relationship. Problem being, I'm not sure I care about getting out anymore. In a strange sort of breakdown, he was the 3rd guy I messed around with, 2nd guy I slept with, and 1st guy I loved. But now we're just stuck in this cycle. We rarely even act like a couple anymore, and I can't blame that on being together almost 3 years. I've seen and heard of people together for much longer and things being okay. I know I'm no longer in love with him, but it makes me wonder what's going on at his end of things. He doesn't talk about his feelings regarding us at all. I think about, and have liked other guys, which considering how I was when I was in love with him and how I never liked anyone else, shows just how far we've come.
I just want to go away where no one knows me and start over again.
15 December 2009
Thinking Hurts...
Posted by Lacey Ryan at 16:21
Labels: love or something like it, plans, school, thinking hurts, work
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I have a theory. Two of them actually. The first is that brilliant people such as ourselves should not be allowed to become bored, because the musings of our minds can be detrimental to us, others, or both. Secondly, don't ever make any decisions while trying to go to sleep. Trust me on this one. My whole summer between graduation and moving here was pretty much the state of being you're in. That makes me an expert. ^_^
Yes becoming bored it very detrimental to our health. And I totally agree with you abut the decisions with sleep thing. I just need something to make sense.
Post a Comment