Work

So I asked today about why old people were getting less days than new people. Debbie gave me this talk of our GSS scores and such leading to that. In essence, seniority means nothing here. She also used me as an eample saying that I used to be more interesting in chatting and leaving than doing my job, but now I'm working hard. Go figure not giving a damn about your job can make you more efficient.

Kienon had some of his money disappear today. Michelle and I have the suspicion that it was the new busser. Who knows?

Lalalala

So I have upgraded to a swankier new layout. I love purple way too much. Still have no clue where this love came from. It seems to have started freshman year of university. (Calling school university is something I just haven't been able to get out of my system from England. Also asking people what are they're on about. *Sigh* I miss England). I want to go back so bad. I'm jealous of Nicole. She's going back this summer to see her boyfriend. They are so cute together. ...That was totally off topic. 

Anyway, tomorrow Pavi and I are supposed to be going walking, I think around Stone Mountain. This shall be fun considering it's a 5 mile walk. Oh boy. 

I must say, I work with some very interesting people. We get into some interesting conversations, like today's topic was porn and what we like/dislike in guys and girls. Carter is an awesome dude. Miranda, I still haven't figured her out. She gives off this bi vibe, but says she likes penis... a lot. Who knows. 

Anyway, that's my rambling of the night.

Reflection

It's kinda scary when a story you're reading brings back so many memories. This particular one is about being the other woman and the fucked up emotions it entails. I was the other woman for a year, and just like the character in the story, couldn't seem to find a way out. I was an emotional wreck from it, but I still stayed because I loved him and hoped that one day he would see the light. Granted he never really did though we did end up together. I've always had the feeling that I was just second choice considering she broke up with him. He has said that he loves me more than he loved her, but then I remember that he wouldn't leave her for me despite the fact that in many ways, I was the better choice for him. She broke up with him, and he fell back on me because I was the one who was always there for him. It almost makes me wonder where we would be if she hadn't broken up with him. I can hope that I'd be out of that situation with him, but honestly, I don't know. And now, I feel like I can see where she was coming from. He's been the only boyfriend I ever had and we're engaged. He's the only guy I've slept with more than once (considering my grand total is two guys). I kinda feel like this wasn't meant to be and that's the reasons I have so many doubts about us. I love him, though I'm not sure if I'm still in love with him. I think that's part of the reason I want to go to grad school so bad. To see something else. Maybe meet someone else. This relationship has been falling apart for a while, I almost think we're holding on to it because we're afraid of letting go. *Sigh* I hate emotions sometimes.

So...

I've probably made the most expensive clothing purchase outside of me buying my wedding dress. I bought a pair of $100 walking shoes. They're supposed to increase the effectiveness of walking because they keep you off balance and kinda feel like walking through sand. My balance must have already been a little screwy because they're not really messing with my balance at all. Hmm, we'll see if this was a sound investment or not after I go walking today.

Job Hunting

So I applied to Kroger and Rainbow today. Hopefully something will come up considering OG is getting on my last damn nerve. One day when everyone else has like 3 or more? What the fuck? It's such bullshit from the management. I'm hoping for Kroger especially since it's just right up the road from me, and then there's one up the road from the apartment complex I wanna look at. So here's to hoping.

*Sigh*

I'm starting to think I should just give up on the whole weightloss thing right now. Mentally I care that I'm way over what I should be, and I do want to get back down to a smaller size again, even just a 14 would be nice, but I hate working out, and there has yet to be anything to make me enjoy it. I prefer having someone to go with me, and Ryan said he would, but that has only happened like once. Otherwise he just plays his video games. I've been hovering in this same 3 to 4 pound area since the beginning of the month. I guess I should be glad I'm no longer gaining. I had gained 30 lbs. since January when I thought I was on a path of trying to lose. I really think the biggest problem is where we live. I have to drive most everywhere, when for the past two years, I had to walk most everywhere. I hate having to drive and want to move to another complex that is in better walking distance of stores and such. Once again, gotta get Ryan to actually come see the apartments with me, considering it's where he would be living after I go to grad school. It makes me sad that I've gained all this (part of which I blame on my job and having late hours there, part on just me in general). Another part of me is sad that I can't bring myself to exercise without someone else because I hate exercising so much. Even if Ryan would go on walks with me, it'd be helpful, but I can't even get him to hang out with me most of the time, let alone exercise with me.

Tatted up

God I want my tattoos so bad. Too bad I don't have the money right now, and can't really save up either. But when I get it/them they shall be awesome. I think I found the shop I wanna see if I can get it done at. If not I might see if they can work on my back. I want to add "Corrupt my hope/In joyous hell" above and below the dragons. *sigh* Adding to my back shall be interesting. I don't really know what could be added to them, but then again that's what artists are for.