Reflection

It's kinda scary when a story you're reading brings back so many memories. This particular one is about being the other woman and the fucked up emotions it entails. I was the other woman for a year, and just like the character in the story, couldn't seem to find a way out. I was an emotional wreck from it, but I still stayed because I loved him and hoped that one day he would see the light. Granted he never really did though we did end up together. I've always had the feeling that I was just second choice considering she broke up with him. He has said that he loves me more than he loved her, but then I remember that he wouldn't leave her for me despite the fact that in many ways, I was the better choice for him. She broke up with him, and he fell back on me because I was the one who was always there for him. It almost makes me wonder where we would be if she hadn't broken up with him. I can hope that I'd be out of that situation with him, but honestly, I don't know. And now, I feel like I can see where she was coming from. He's been the only boyfriend I ever had and we're engaged. He's the only guy I've slept with more than once (considering my grand total is two guys). I kinda feel like this wasn't meant to be and that's the reasons I have so many doubts about us. I love him, though I'm not sure if I'm still in love with him. I think that's part of the reason I want to go to grad school so bad. To see something else. Maybe meet someone else. This relationship has been falling apart for a while, I almost think we're holding on to it because we're afraid of letting go. *Sigh* I hate emotions sometimes.