To go or not to go...?

Well two months exactly since my last post. I was probably bitching about Ryan in that, but what's new?

In that two months, I've at least finished my undergrad degree in History (seems I might be graduating cum laude). I don't think being done with GSU has completely hit me yet, since I'm still working there through the end of the week. After that, maybe it will finally feel like a reality. And me being me, and not wanting to go to grad school immediately, and yet not have to start paying back my loans, I'm trying to go to another school to obtain an Associate's in Library Science. Nonetheless, I'm still planning on going to grad school. In a way, it's kind of a good thing I'm a little disgruntled over Arizona right now, because I found out that Newcastle University has a Museum Studies program. In fact, I found a lot more Museum Studies programs than I thought there were. New York seems to have the most, but there are school in the UK. Like 5 or 6 of them. And what I would pay for one year of going to one of those schools, I would pay for two years going to a school in the States. SO the question becomes what to do? I could try and go to school here. I could try for Newcastle. I could be a little more adventurous and try somewhere else in the UK, or I could go for the most out there one and try for the school in Australia.

I'm going to take the GRE for the American schools, just in case, but I know my heart is set on going outside the country. I've been trying to figure out a way to get back overseas ever since I came back. I'm envious of my friend Matt who's getting to come here for like a two week vacation (he's been gone from here for like a year), and my friend Nicole who's getting to move to England (she's getting married though). As much as I bitched and moaned at times while I was in England, I wouldn't change that experience for anything. And I know the major thing that kept me from completely enjoying my experience there, wouldn't be an issue this time.

Everything is tell me to go for it, but then my practical side kicks in, and I know the money will be the biggest issue. I had my mom helping me the first time. Now I would have to figure out my own way. I'm up for the task mind you, but at the same time it feels over-whelming. The thought of putting myself into infinitely more debt than I already have when I could stay in the US and probably have less. I'm gonna have to stop thinking about this, or I'll talk myself out of it. Right now, I just want to decide which places I want to look at. I've never been to Australia, and the uni there is in Sydney. At the same time, Newcastle is my other home. I love that city as much as I love Atlanta. At the same time though, I could branch out within the UK and see what other parts of the country have to offer.

I am a horrible decision maker.

Musings

So I finally have a new job. I've been here a little over a week. It's pretty simple, just sitting at the desk, answering phone calls and helping people who come in. For 7.50 an hour and the ability to do homework, it's not bad. Not bad at all.

I've decided to catch up on the Vampire Diaries. I've seen a couple of episodes in the past month, and it seems like it has a backbone to it. Nothing like the travesty that is Twilight. I don't even really know why I'm contemplating going to see New Moon other than Taylor Lautner is hot, and I have this weird thing of finishing series that I start, whether movie or book. It was the only reason I bought X-Men: The Last Stand. I had the other two movies, so I had to buy the 3rd. I'm just hoping New Moon displays the wolf pack some more.

I'm finding werewolves more and more intriguing these days. Maybe because of the obsession I was having with RoLo for a little while. Then again, before that I had been reading a story about a druid and a werewolf. But even before that, I was reading The Southern Vampire Mysteries (aka the books True Blood is based on), and they had lots of were-creatures in it..Werewolves are hot, hot creatures. Too bad they're not real. I think I shall buy Shelly Laurenston's pack series soon. Granted, from what I've read, most aren't wolves, weres are just awesome in any form.

Now back to watching the Vampire Diaries. Stupid Megavideo and it's time limits.

Writing

I can't tell you why, but I'm hella inconsistent on writing on any type of journal or blog. Bad thing is I love writing. Or at least writing things I'm good at. BSing History papers at the last minute = a school well learned in high school. Trying to write an analytical English paper on a novel = You want what? I learned this well in attempting to take a Lit class this semester. I was okay with understanding what the professor was talking about until it came to my presentation. In that case, I wrote what I'm good at, while she wanted analysis. That was a bad combo. Unfortunately, I didn't really have the time to give her what she wanted, and so I had to drop the class because that presentation was 20% of the grade.

Luckily I still have 13 credit hours with the class being dropped, which actually means, in all 5 hellascious years I've been at this school, I've never gone part time. I still wonder how I pulled off 18 credit hours last Spring and managed to get on the Dean's List for it too. (As a side note, that's something else I find awesome. I've only not been on Dean's List twice, and I've made President's List before. Thank you summer semester.) But in a way this got me to thinking, what the hell am I gonna do in grad school? Classes aren't so easily gotten rid of when you aren't doing so well in them because you're a lot more concentrated. This alone is going to force me to not be indecisive, something which I almost think it's impossible for me not to be. But honestly, I don't see myself getting a decent job in a historical field with just a B.A., so it seems force is what it will take.

I'm also trying to write short stories, but I'm so horrible at writing in detail. I can picture everything in my head vividly. It's just getting it onto the page that's the problem. I still want to try and do NaNoWriMo, but this shall be quite interesting when it comes down to it. 50,000 words in one month on a story about a callgirl and the business man who falls for her... well it's a little more complicated than that, but you get the idea.

Randomness Part Whatever

Warning: This post is partially sex related. You have been warned.


I am having way too much fun with Tumblr. I love how so many of them are photo-blogs. However, if anyone sees it, they'd think I'm a sex-fiend for just how many I am following. I'm really not. I promise. I don't know where my recent obsession with sex images is coming from. I'm not horny; I just find them extremely interesting. I've also found photo-blogs of hot guys. Now that may be an entirely different story as to why I follow them. It satisfies my lust for white guys since they don't really like me that way. I must say that sucks ass, but oh well. Maybe moving to Phoenix will change things. Then again losing weight will probably help too. But I've begun to ramble.

In other news, Ryan "apologised" last week, giving me a card and chocolates. It was a really sweet card, basically saying that we've been through a lot and that's what makes us stronger together. However, our Facebook relationship status is still "single" and he's actually not said anything about us actually being together. So right now we're essentially bedmates. I'm not going to say anything. I still don't really have strong feelings about it. It almost seems like he apologised after I broke down while on the phone with him.

Last Wednesday was just a bad day, especially considering my computer decided to break by not booting. So it's been sent off to Gateway for three weeks. This prompted me to buy the netbook I'm currently typing on. I want to keep it, but it's not economical considering I bought it with a credit card. So more than likely it's either going back to the store or it's being sold. I have a potential buyer, I just need her to get back in touch with me.

Well back to not paying attention to the history of South Africa.

Single Again...

So today, Ryan broke up with me. Mostly after I claimed that he didn't really have the balls to do it. As he said, it was a long time coming. I don't feel too upset over it. Right now I'm just thinking of the financial bind that puts me in, as if I wasn't in a bad enough one already. Maybe it's a type of a shock. Though, I'm not exceedingly shocked. He's been joking around about us breaking up for a while now. And I've been thinking about it longer. Came at a bad time though, but looking at it, it could have come at a worse one, like during finals. I really don't want to explain this to my family. Especially after the big to-do my dad was making this weekend about Ryan and I not really talking to each other. Oh well, it's done. Time to deal and move on.

Procrastination

So in a further effort to not do my work, I'm going to blog.

I've decided to go through with the whole graduate school thing. I don't honestly think I can live in Atlanta for longer than I need to. I'm going to apply to both Arizona State (here's to hoping they find the faculty positions they need) and Indiana University, Bloomington. I'm really more hoping for ASU because I think it would be more like the culture shock I got from going to Newcastle. I've never been out west, I hate the cold for the most part, and I just think it would utterly different for me. Plus it helps that my other hockey team is there. I think the Coyotes are the other big reason why I'd pick Phoenix over Bloomington. But in the mean time, I need to take the GRE, find three teachers to write recommendations for me, and write my statement of purpose. The statement will be the hardest thing, because even now, I'm still not completely sure what I want to do with my life. There are times I wish I just had the money to travel and never look back. Money will surely be the bane of my existence for years to come.

On another note, I'm still trying to write, though I doubt I'll let anyone see it. Writing is something I've been okay at since I was little, but I doubt it's up to par for anything. Like most things I can do, I'm okay at it, but not great at it. Oh well. I'll just get my random little stories out of my head as usual and be done with it. I'm not sure if I'm still gonna do NaNoWriMo. We'll see come October.

But now I really must do work. I'm such a slacker.

How to Not Do School Work

It's weird. I've been obsessed with reading and trying my hand at writing lately. Probably my brain's way of procrastinating to the max, but it's been interesting. I've discovered some new authors that I really like. I've also been writing pieces of a story that's in my head. I know the beginning, middle and end, but I haven't written them. Well I've kinda been writing the middle. Now I'm going back to write the beginning. As much as I want to write an HEA, in this case, as in so many of the stories my brain comes up with, my brain just won't do it. Maybe it's my underlying belief that "happily-ever-after" isn't real. Who knows? I wish it was, and I know it is for some people, but I don't see myself as one of those people.

In other news, I'm contemplating moving to Phoenix for grad school. It's probably like the total opposite of Minneapolis, but it has my other hockey team, and since hockey is determined to take over my life, I figure why not. Arizona State has a MA program in Museum Studies, which is pretty much exactly what I want. It'll be so weird if I go through with this, because that's pretty much moving clear across the country, to the desert at that.