A New Direction

So yesterday and today, I got in touch with my potential dissertation advisor at the University of Minnesota. The process start is becoming a little surreal. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket though, so I need to find a back up school. That would probably be either Indiana University, Northern Illinois University, University of Maryland, or University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill. Chapel Hill was my original choice for grad school, but I've decided I want to be further out of the South. I've lived here almost all my life, and I just feel like I need something new.

I've been going stir-crazy ever since I came back from England. All I can think about is how much I miss it and how much I'd love to get away again. Grad school is my legitimate excuse right now. A doctorate take somewhere between five and eight years to complete. If I go straight in next year, I'll be between 28 and 31 when I finish. It's kind of scary to think how much of life will have been committed to school.

Sina brought up today the fact that with me being gone for that long, he doesn't think Ryan and I will last because we'll drift apart. I've had that thought too, especially since he won't be able to get away from work often. Me being in England was stressful on us. I can only imagine what being separated that long will do. More than likely it'll break us up. I definitely won't be surprised if it does. In fact, I'll probably suggest that we see other people. I don't want him to put his life on hold for me, especially considering he's got 4 years of school.

Most of all though, I'm scared of something new, yet craving it at the same time. I think I know where I want to go with my life, but the question is will I achieve it.