Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom

I'm really hoping I can start to reinvent myself little by little. It would really help if I were less indecisive. However, I guess it's the little things that count until I can get to the big stuff, and the first thing on that list is learning to be happy with myself. I think I need to come to accept I may never get back down to a size 12. My current life circumstances don't quite permit it, but I'm still going to try to change in little ways, even if it's just cutting back on certain things I love.

My second thing is accepting that I am not happy where I'm at, especially when it comes to work. It's a job that never really seems to have any rewards, even for just personal merit. The managers there don't care as much about their staff as they need to. Just like, they didn't tell me they didn't like my work ethic in the beginning. I was never spoken to, but it started to show itself in little ways. And various job opportunities keep present themselves to me, though sometimes I am late in getting the message. I hope that the next job I try and get will become mine, but if it doesn't there will be others. I need to get away from Olive Garden, because I know, when you dread going into work, you're not where you're supposed to be.

Third thing is my living situation. Living in Lithonia is not working for me. I am more sedentary out here than I have been in since high school, and that is something else that reflects itself in my weight. I was not meant to be a rural/suburban girl. I love living in a city where there's life and awesome people. That's why I loved the major cities of Europe that I went to. Even the one's that weren't on a large scale like Cadiz made me love them because of the spirit of them. I would love to move back to the area I was in in Buckhead, though from what I've heard it's gotten worse. Living in those apartments and walking up that hill, second best place I lived as far as getting around. Newcastle will always be the ultimate. I couldn't even think about a car, so I walked everywhere I had to, or took public transportation. The mind set I'm in here isn't working and something's gotta give, and I'll be damned if it's me.

Fourth is becoming organized. I have so many things I could possibly want to do after I graduate, and the worst part is, I can't decide. I hate being indecisive, but I can't seem to not be. Before May rolls around, I need to have at least my next year decided. But it seems like new ideas are always presenting themselves to me, like going to a grad school here, or pick up a second bachelor's degree, or going to school overseas. I want to do all, and even though I know I can't, I can't decide. Sometimes I think it's a matter of how selfish I want to become, and really considering some of my financial issues right now, I'm thinking I need to become more selfish anyway. I can't help feeling though that I'm meant to help others, but I know, that's how things have always been.

And although I'm not religious, this quote speaks volumes to me:
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference.

I need all of those right now because I don't know where I'm going, or how I'm going to get there, but I know I need to leave this life behind.